Talking to a Wall
by knobbly knees
Summary: Because Shisui and Itachi are a tag team of sorts, Minato can't handle kids, Kiba likes redheads, and because Karin's in heat. Language Warning. Facebook Comedy Drabbles. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Sasuke Uchiha **has a stick stuck up his ass that helps him fulfil his sexual desires! Has a duck butt haircut 'cos his speaking capabilities are on par with those dumb ass animals! And when pretending to listen to emo/goth/punk/skater music is actually bobbing around to Hannah Montana! BELIEVE IT!

**Naruto Uzumaki** likes this.

_Comments_

**Itachi Uchiha **Foolish little brother. Forget to close your profile again? Clearly Father dropped you one too many times as a child.

**Fukaku Uchiha **Itachi, delete that comment and the poky in Mikoto's top drawer is yours.

**Itachi Uchiha** Done.

**Karin Taka **Hahahaha! Sillaay Sasu-Cakes! Yhuu dont need aa stickk! Not when yhuu've got mii! ;D XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Mikoto Uchiha **Finally someone has approached Sasuke-kun on his hair. Thank Kami!

**Sasuke Uchiha **Naruto, it defeats the purpose by liking the status you wrote. Way to be creative, dobe. And Itachi? Go run off with the purpose to gel Shisui's hair again, but on the way get attacked by that stalker of yours (they call him Jaws for a reason, brother. He bites), and end up in a ditch with those maniacs you call friends torching your body for so called art.

**Itachi Uchiha **Hear that thumping ,Sasuke? Before I let your pubescent mind run wild, I shall tell you what it is. Your tomatoes. Being pelted at your car.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Wtf?

**Itachi Uchiha** Do not fret, foolish little brother. It's for artistic purposes, of course.

**Sakura Haruno **You know Naruto, I should really teach you how to hack a page correctly. The biggest giveaway is not the music thing ( I've listened to his iPod. No Hannah Montana, merely Demi Lovato), but the over use of exclamation and caps. Seriously! Sasuke-kun has never utilized the caps lock key! Not even when Orochimaru-pedo sent him distressing chat messages! :D

**Itachi Uchiha** Aa. Sasuke Uchiha, babe magnet to the senile senior citizen population of Konoha.

**Orochimaru Hebi** Ah, Sasuke-kun...Happy to see you growing up.

**Itachi Uchiha **I see you're down with the kids, Orochimaru...

**Naruto Uzumaki **HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Beat that, TEME!

**Sasuke Uchiha **Dobe, I know your password.

**Naruto Uzumaki **I changed it! BELIEVE IT!

**Kushina Uzumaki **Naruto, everyone knows your password. It's probably ramen related.

**Kakashi Hatake **Or Sakura related? Still obsessed, Naruto?

**Naruto Uzumaki **WHY ARE ALL THESE PENSIONERS ON FACEBOOK?

**Kushina Uzumaki **Oh yeah, Naruto, a pensioner? ME? I'LL SHOW YOU JUST HOW ANCIENT I AM WHEN I PUMMEL YOU INTO NEXT WEEK!

**Kakashi Hatake** The grey hair can be deceiving

**Orochimaru Hebi **Damn...My anti-aging face moisturiser mustn't be working as well as Kabuto said...

**Minato Namikaze **Charming woman, your mother Naruto. And, to be safe, I wouldn't come home till late tonight. Let her tire herself out first.

**Kakashi Hatake **Naruto got her energy from Kushina, Minato. How the hell is she going to 'tire herself out'?

**Minato Namikaze **;)

**Naruto Uzumaki ...**MY INNOCENCE IS GONE!

**Kiba Inuzuka **That's been long gone, if what Ino said you and Hinata have been up to is true ;)

**Neji Hyuuga **Better start running, Uzumaki...

**Sasuke Uchiha **Karma's a bitch, Dobe.

**Karin Taka **Speaking of biitchs, Sasu-Cakes, whhy hang out w/t that pink haired midget? XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Ino Yamanaka **Hey Bitch! What Sakura lacks in height, she makes up for in forehead size!

**Sakura Haruno **Huh. Thanks, Ino-pig. Oh and Karin? Go reshape your moustache, it was looking a bit lack-luster in History. Not its usual perky self, you know?

**Karin Taka **YHUU BIITCH! :O

**Itachi Uchiha **Inducing cat fights, Sasuke? I've taught you well.

**Sasuke Uchiha **Itachi, what are you? Twelve?

**Naruto Uzumaki **Hahaha! Teme, you don't even know your brother's age! IDIOT!

**Sasuke Uchiha** It was rhetorical, Dobe. Wait, can you even pronounce rhetorical?

**Naruto Uzumaki **OF COURSE I CAN! Retroical is all sarcastic and shit, right?

**Sakura Haruno** It's rhetorical Naruto...And the question was rhetorical...How are you even passing English? And here's a hint : My question is R_L!

**Naruto Uzumaki **I KNOW THAT!... AND THAT, TOO SAKURA-CHAN!

**Sasuke Uchiha **Point made.

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**Email: **Ramenator1(at)Konoha(dot)org **Password: **Ramensoupslurp

_A smirk._

Profile hacked. Revenge will be sweet.

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Yeah, I have school tomorrow...So should be in bed...But is being all goody two shoes and posting for possible readers!

i know this has been done about a million times, and most are absolutely amazing, but...Isn't it so annoying when you like a status and then BAM! 107 notification, and a few dozan migrains later you get to the end of a FaceBook fight, or conversation...yeah...:)

No offense intended! :O

Ahh, since I have a math test tomorrow, how about reviews to perk me up like Karin's usual facial hair? Hmm? :D :D Even a short one, if it's praise, advice, or flames, all are appreciated! :)

I do not own FaceBook, or Naruto.

Fare well, I'm off to the fortress of pillows of restitude...My bed :)

Hope you enjoyed my random drabble!


	2. Chapter 2

**Sasuke Uchiha **really wishes to be estranged.

_Comments_

**Itachi Uchiha** Foolish little brother, I tried that many years ago. If I couldn't get out of this mental institution dubbed the 'Uchiha', neither can you.

**Shishui Uchiha** Really now, Sasu-kins. You ought to know better.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Care to elaborate, Shisui.

**Itachi Uchiha** That supposed to be a question, brother? If so, care to utilize the question mark key?

**Sasuke Uchiha** Fuck off, Itachi.

**Itachi Uchiha** Ah, us Uchiha have excellent command over the English language.

**Shisui Uchiha** Of course, Itachi. I do believe jolly old Madara taught us our first colloquial sentence; FOR FUCK'S SAKE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING FACE ,YOU FUCKING TITCHES!

**Itachi Uchiha** Indeed, Shisui. Even though what with that mask of his superglued in place, we were, strictly speaking, nowhere near his 'FUCKING FACE', as he so eloquently put it.

**Shisui Uchiha** Ah, the memories. Good times, good times. Anywho, back to you, Duck Butt. You should know better than to mention your family in your statuses. Although, I find it a welcome relief from the usual screamo lyrics one comes to associate with your profile.

**Sasuka Uchiha** Shisui, that was ever so informative. Twat.

**Shisui Uchiha** I'm choosing to ignore that one, Sasu-kins. Don't make me sic Orochimaru on you, again. It has come to my attention that Family Man Fugaku has recently joined the Book of Face. You know how menstrual he is when it comes to clan honour and all that shit. So yeah, you're fucked. Like how that Naruto kid was fucked when he called his mum old.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Shit. DELETE DELETE.

**Itachi Uchiha** Ah, look who's just come online, brother.

**Fugaku Uchiha** SON! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

**Shisui Uchiha** Welcome to FaceBook, Fugaku.

**Fugaku Uchiha** THANK YOU SHISHUI.

**Itachi Uchiha** Father, hit the 'caps lock' button.

**Fugaku Uchiha** Oh. Thank you, Itachi. Now, Sasuke, explain the meaning of your 'status'.

**Itachi Uchiha** Yeah, Sasuke. Don't want the caps to come back on.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Ah, Father. It seems that you have jumped to the conclusion that I was referring to our Clan in my status. That is not the case. I was merely expressing my temporary annoyance at the new compulsory assignment in which I have to be a member of a 'family'. The family consisting of Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno and Kakashi Hatake.

**Itachi Uchiha** Nice save, little brother. Sans the part where you said Father jumped to conclusions. I can hear his jaw clenching and unclenching from my room. Idiot.

**Shisui Uchiha** Here come the caps.

**Fugaku Uchiha** SASUKE UCHIHA. I AM THE HEAD OF THE CLAN FOR A REASON. NOT BECAUSE MADARA ATTEMPTED TO GAIN CONTROL OF KONOHA BY HIJACKING THAT RAMEN SHOP, BUT BECAUSE I AM A SMART AND INTELLIGENT MAN. A MAN WHO DOES NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS!

**Shisui Uchiha** You know, Fugaku, an emoticon would have made that statement all the more official. Perhaps, an angry face would have been suitable ; D-:

**Madara Uchiha** That protest was the spark that will light the fire that is the Uchiha! We shall once again burn brightly throughout the leaves!

**Itachi Uchiha** Am I the only one who thinks that sounds terrifyingly Maito Gai-esque?

**Shisui Uchiha** Dear Kami, I guess we know where Gai gets his 'BURNING YOUTH'...

**Sasuke Uchiha** No, Father. I never meant to offend you, or doubt your position as head of the clan.

**Itachi Uchiha** Now you've done it, foolish little brother.

**Fugaku Uchiha** FOOL! A MAN IS NOT OFFENDED BY SUCH A PETTY TEENAGER! YOU ARE NO CHILD OF MINE!

**Mikoto Uchiha** Ah, Fugaku. He is very much a part of you. After all, your sperm is what led to the development of this 'FOOL'.

**Madara Uchiha** Mikoto, it takes two to tango.

**Mikoto Uchiha** I know that, Madara, but Fugaku was quite domineering in the bedroom (took the lead in the dance if you know what I mean). I didn't have to do much. Therefore, Sasuke is all him.

**Itachi Uchiha** This is why I wanted to be estranged.

**Shisui Uchiha** Hey, Sasuke. Haven't you achieved your desired stare of being? 'YOU ARE NO CHILD OF MINE' - Fugaku Uchiha, Head of Clan, to his son, Sasuke Uchiha. I'd say that's enough proof to be cut off from the Uchiha. Not that I could blame you.

**Itachi Uchiha** I think I'll join you ,Sasuke. Give me five minutes and I'll be disowned. Just have to rummage around and show Mother those Icha Icha books Father has hidden under the tatami mats.

**Mikoto Uchiha** Fugaku...

**Fugaku Uchiha** Simply the results of one too many sake shots, dear.

**Mikoto Uchiha** That's irrelevant. We'll be having the house to ourselves. There's this new _dance_ I've been wanting to try out...

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Ah, this, my readers (I get a kick out of typing that) is inspired by my unlucky friends who had a discussion on FaceBook about such and such's father, and them this comment appeared:

Hello, I'm such and such's dad.

:) I find this incredibly funny!

And, lif you're still reading my author's note, please review! Even if it's unsigned, it makes me happy! And I made a right balls of my math test, so maybe a review will help? We all know how despairing math can be :/

I do not own Naruto, or FaceBook.

Hope you enjoyed! :) And please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

**Sasuke Uchiha's Wall**

**Ino Yamanaka** Red ;D

**Karin Taka** Blackk XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx ;)

**Sakura Haruno** This is pointless... Green...

**Kin Tsuchi** Purple. :/

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**Sasuke Uchiha** Why are girls posting random colours on my wall?

**Itachi Uchiha** Jolly oblivious, aren't you?

**Sasuke Uchiha** Pfft. It's not like you even know.

**Itachi Uchiha** That may be so, foolish little brother, but I will find out before you.

**Shisui Uchiha** Pink with a blue trim.

**Itachi Uchiha** What's that Shisui? Your desired hair colour? You'd look a mix between those Sakura and Hinata girls.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Shisui, your hair is ridiculous enough. Don't further disgrace yourself. I'm already ashamed to be seen with you in public.

**Shisui Uchiha** Au contraire, Sasu-kins, you're no one to talk. Duck Butt. Oh, you're not forgotten Itachi. How many times have you been mistaken as a girl?

**Itachi Uchiha** My hair is perfectly masculine, if a little long.

**Shisui Uchiha** Hmm...I recall you playing snow white in the Academy play three years in a row...

**Sasuke Uchiha** And isn't that why you have Jaws? He thinks you're girl...

**Madara Uchiha** Don't listen to them Itachi...Sasuke and Shisui, leave her alone.

**Shisui Uchiha** Hahahahahaha. I'm laughing at your expense ,Itachi, in case you didn't notice...You appear to have made Madman Madara even more confused than usual. Congratulations.

**Madara Uchiha** Itachi, just a word of advice, go find yourself a husband already. I have prepared a dowry, you merely need to find the right man to support a young lady like yourself.

**Itachi Uchiha** I'm a man, Madara. Go back to planning your 'BURNING FLAME OF THE UCHIHA' plan of world domination.

**Shisui Uchiha** What exactly would a dowry from Madara entail? Use your woman's intuition and figure it out, Itachi.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Probably the corpse of that drinking buddy of his. Senju was it?

**Itachi Uchiha** Hn. Foolish little brother, how stupid are you? Any gift from Madara would have at least two dozen carnivorous plants, a cardboard cut out of the moon with his face stuck onto it, and those swirly contacts he's so fond of.

**Orochimaru Hebi** My dear Itachi-kun, how Madara can mistake you as a woman is beyond me. You've grown into a fine young man ;) As has Sasuke-kun...

**Shisui Uchiha** Orochimaru, you do realise you're leering on the sons of the chief of police? The chief who is particularly violent when it concerns the masculinity of his two (ladylike) sons?

**Orochimaru Hebi** Ah, Shisui...You amuse me so. How was school, Sasuke-kun? I saw you with that blonde boy today...;)

**Itachi Uchiha** You still have that pepper spray, Sasuke...?

**Sasuke Uchiha** No...used it against Karin... You'd think she'd get the hint, but oh no.

**Itachi Uchiha** A wise move, little brother. Father will have to give you more, though, if Orochimaru decides to storm the school to get to you like last month...

**Shisui Uchiha **We've gone off topic...

**Itachi Uchiha** Well aren't you straight to the point.

**Karin Taka** Ooopsie! 4got 2 add sumting! :D Blackk + Lacey ;D XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Sakura Haruno** Slut.

**Karin Taka** Biitch! Whenevuh I c yhuu, a voice in mii head goes ; COW! Yeahh!

**Sakura Haruno** Hmm, I admire the work and meagre thought you put into that comeback, Karin. But voices in your head? I do believe that is more commonly known as Schizophrenia...I would advise seeking medical help, immediately.

**Itachi Uchiha** I would recommend Konoha's Medical Institute for the Legally Insane...They provide great care for the deranged.

**Sasuke Uchiha** What the fuck is up with the colours?

**Sakura Haruno** Well, Sasuke-kun, it's a girl thing...

**Shisui Uchiha** And a Shisui thing! Pink with a blue trim, Haruno!

**Sakura Haruno** Really? That sounds nice...Will have to look around for one next time I'm out and about.

**Shisui Uchiha** Definitely...There's some pale pink ones with green detail, too. It would really bring out your eyes.

**Sakura Haruno** But it doesn't matter...? Who would be seeing it apart from myself?

**Shisui Uchiha** Sasuke is quite meticulous, Sakura. He likes coordination. ;)

**Sakura Haruno** ... I like the way you think, Shisui. ;)

**Sasuke Uchiha** What? I like coordination? In regards to what?

**Shisui Uchiha** You like things matching, Sasuke. Like clothes and the persons eye colour or hair, for example.

**Itachi Uchiha** Oh...Now I know what's going on.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Bloody hell. You guys are pointless, you know that. I'm gone...Maybe I could find Jaws and give him your phone number Itachi...That would be fun.

_Sasuke Uchiha is offline_

**Itachi Uchiha** Foolish little brother... But tell me Shisui, why are you wearing a pink bra with a blue trim?

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Okay, so this chapter is confusing, I realise! But, recently on FB, girls have been posting the colour of their bras...

So half of facebook was all

...Black

...Red

...Orange, you get the idea!

So, lads hadn't a clue what was going on, because you told the girls through IM !

I would like to thank; **story-teller666, Dustland-Fairytales, Echo Uchiha, Nanami La'Ame** and **Uchiha Miaki** for reviewing!

I apologise for the confusion! I do not own Naruto or FaceBook.

Come, on people...Review? :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Kakashi Hatake** Itachi won.

_Comments_

**Sasuke Uchiha** Looks like you've finally succumbed to senility, Kakashi. I won.

**Naruto Uzumaki** As if, teme. Itachi kicked your ass.

**Sasuke Uchiha** He did not.

**Sakura Haruno** He didn't kick Sasuke's ass. Itachi merely broke his brother's wrist.

**Karin Taka** Sasuke's ass? ;D If you're sore, I can work out sum of those kinkks for yhuu... ;)

**Shisui Uchiha** Ahh, the intellect of a fangirl is on par with a spoon, don't you think?

**Sakura Haruno** She'll take that as a compliment, Shisui :/

**Karin Taka** Uh huh...Tanx! XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx + Sakura? SHUTT UHP!

**Shisui Uchiha** A spark of Clairevoyance, Sakura?

**Sakura Haruno** A brain dead cricket could predict her genius comebacks -.-

**Itachi Uchiha** What's the longest river in Egypt, Sasuke?

**Sasuke Uchiha** The Nile, idiot.

**Itachi Uchiha** Yeah, the Nile. You're in it.

**Minato Namikaze **I taught you that one!

**Kushina Uzumaki** Well done, Minato. You're a born teacher...And Itachi won.

**Kakashi Hatake** You'd be hard pressed to contradict Kushina, Sasuke. Your brother trumped you.

**Shisui Uchiha** Just because you're still inferior to Itachi doesn't mean you should go on angsting mode. Please just skip that phase... I can hear that wailing music of yours from the other side of the compound.

**Sasuke Uchiha** So he broke my wrist? I'm not going to die, whereas he had an asthma attack, so he could've died. Thus, I win by default if anything.

**Fugaku Uchiha** HAVE YOU NO PRIDE? US UCHIHA MEN DO NOT WIN BY 'DEFAULT', WE WIN ALL ROUND!

**Minato Namikaze** Woah there, Miss Priss. Inside voice. It's like teaching Naruto how to speak all over again.

**Fugaku Uchiha** I'm typing, fool!

**Kushina Uzumaki** Really, Fugaku? Calling my girly husband a fool, a wise move. As if you didn't learn your lesson when he called me a sociopath...Want another demonstration?

**Mikoto Uchiha** Kushina! Long time no chat!

**Kushina Uzumaki** Mikoto! We simply must catch up over tea!

**Naruto Uzumaki** Dual-personality disorder must run in my family...

**Sakura Haruno** You're a prime example. When your ramen is taken away, you go all Fugaku on us...

**Fugaku Uchiha** All me on them?

**Kakashi Hatake** Teenage lingo, Fugaku. Best not get involved, or they'll reduce our knowledgeable minds to mush.

**Naruto Uzumaki** Knowledgeable minds? Pfft, the only thing going through your mind in class is what scene will pop up next in Icha Icha!

**Kakashi Hatake** I'm not going to deny that...

**Minato Namikaze** I taught a pervert and raised a fool...How heartening.

**Kushina Uzumaki** Well, I'm glad you admitted it. Kushina ain't raise no fool. Now about that tea...

**Sakura Haruno** Indeed, Itachi did have an asthma attack, but he didn't die Sasuke-kun, so if anything he should get extra points for living.

**Sasuke Uchiha** You used to be so easy to persuade, Sakura...What happened?

**Shisui Uchiha** IDIOT!

**Minato Namikaze **I fear for your son's safety, Fugaku.

**Sakura Haruno** ...What happened? I'LL TELL YOU WANT HAPPENED YOU ALBINO GOTH BASTARD! I GREW UP, AND SALVAGED MY DIGNITY! UNLIKE THOSE SLUTS WHO THROW THEMSELVES AT YOU! Fucker.

**Itachi Uchiha** Ladies Man, Sasuke.

**Shisui Uchiha** Uff. You truly are socially retarded, aren't you? Like that Kabuto chap.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Chap? Hm, Shisui...All those creams you use must be working, since only people from the Chaplain era use that dialect.

**Kakashi Hatake** Kabuto? Oh, I recall that boy. Got a bit attached to you, didn't he, Sasuke?

**Itachi Uchiha** He super glued his palm to your thigh... Now THAT was an interesting conversation, Kakashi.

**Kakashi Hatake** Your father took it upon himself to rip them apart, right...?

**Sasuke Uchiha** I have a palm shaped scar...

**Naruto Uzumaki** Haha! Yeah, I saw that in the lockers once! It makes you look like you're being permanently groped!

**Karin Taka** No slut can take mii Sasu-cakes!:-( XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Orochimaru Hebi** Groping of Sasuke-kun? ;) And it appears I'll have to have a word with Kabuto...His aim is off by a few inches...

**Minato Namikaze** I still fear for your safety, Sasuke...Just to be on the safe side, I'll ask Kushina to keep an eye out.

**Shisui Uchiha** No offence, Minato, but would Kushina be strong enough...?

**Kakashi Hatake** Have you met the woman?

**Minato Namikaze** You're lucky she's offline. Otherwise, she'd feel the need to show you just how strong she is...

**Shisui Uchiha** As strong as Itachi?

**Minato Namikaze** Hmm, it depends on the timing (of the month in particular), and the scale of her anger...

**Itachi Uchiha** I still won, foolish little brother.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Yeah right. How could you beat me when you still can't fend off one measly stalker, eh?

**Itachi Uchiha **I'd like to see you go up against Jaws...Seven feet of pure blue stone, armed with a stop sign sharpened to a point...You'd leg it, and have to comfort yourself by singing Honour to Us All, from Mulan.

**Kisame Hoshigaki** I love that film. We have so much in common, Itachi Uchiha. And that 'pure blue stone' is all for you.

**Shisui Uchiha** By jove, he's located you!

**Itachi Uchiha** Fuck. I have to go.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Since you're running to go hide behind Mother, does this mean I won?

**Itachi Uchiha** No, I won. Now, I have go find Hidan. I wonder if he still has that scythe...

**Shisui Uchiha** Only Uchihas can make an arm wrestle evolve into an all out 4 hour brawl...I find myself oddly proud at this...

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Ah, this is rushed! Have to go to bed, or Mum will blow a casket! :O

Thanks to all my reviewers! I'll name ye all out next chapter!

I do not own Naruto, FaceBook, Or Mulan!

Please, please, please review! Even if it's unsigned, flames, or just to say it was grand, please review!

I'm begging now, but don't have time to edit my patheticness...

Enjoy! And thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Itachi Uchiha** likes _We all have those dodgy relatives._

**Madara Uchiha** WHO IS THIS 'DODGY RELATIVE', AND I SHALL RID THE UCHIHA OF THEIR NAME!

**Shisui Uchiha** Oh, the irony.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Pfft. Dodgy relatives? More like mental relatives.

**Fugaku Uchiha** SASUKE! Need i remind you that you will be thrown out if you continue to fault the Uchiha.

**Sasuke Uchiha **Father, Itachi liked the page...

**Fugaku Uchiha** ARE YOU TRYING TO PLACE THE BLAME ON YOUR BROTHER?

**Mikoto Uchiha** Fugaku? Come along, dear, leave Sasuke-kun alone. Besides, my mother has come for a visit.

**Fugaku Uchiha** Gah. I appear to have been struck down with a mystery ailment...My apologies Mikoto, but another time.

**Mikoto Uchiha** Really now? You didn't seem too tired this afternoon...Quite energetic really ;)

**Shisui Uchiha** *Regurgitation

**Fugaku Uchiha** I'm off to quarantine.

**Mikoto Uchiha** Hm, maybe Kushina will convince him.

**Shisui Uchiha** Fugaku never did like the in-laws, did he?

**Itachi Uchiha** Other way round, Shisui. They never did warm to him after he lit Grandmother's Persian cat a blaze.

**Shisui Uchiha** A pun, Itachi? You ,young whippersnapper, are growing up ^ _ ^

**Sasuke Uchiha** Poor Mr. Brandy was never the same again.

**Shisui Uchiha** I thought that cat was Mr. Whiskey?

**Itachi Uchiha** Well, the cat had a sip of whiskey at that clan dinner you skipped, and resembled Rock Lee after he chugged Tsunade's vodka by mistake at the school opening ceremony. So it was changed to Mr. Brandy, a seemingly more cat-friendly drink than whiskey.

**Shisui Uchiha** Haha! I remember that spandexed caterpillar! He knocked out Sasuke!

**Sasuke Uchiha** I don't recall ever being knocked out by that green clad idiot.

**Itachi Uchiha** Of course you don't remember it, foolish little brother. It took three batches of smelling salts and a threat to 'wake your lazy ass up before she had to take off her earrings' from Kushina to get you to stir.

**Shisui Uchiha** How he mistook vodka for water is beyond me...

**Itachi Uchiha** Remember that time when you were ten and you accidentally drank Mother's wine, thinking it was cranberry juice?

**Shisui Uchiha** How could I forget? Even through the haze, I can remember Madara pulling me to the side and asking "Did you drink my tea? DID YOU?"

**Itachi Uchiha** Aa. Then he cornered me and asked what you were on and where he could get some.

**Sasuke Uchiha** What did you tell him?

**Itachi Uchiha** Well, he threatened to throw me to Orochimaru if I lied so I told him Mother gave whatever it was to Shisui. To this day he believes Mother to be a dealer.

**Shisui Uchiha** I suppose he considers Mikoto to be the 'dodgy relative' that he must rid the Uchiha name of?

**Itachi Uchiha** Oh, no. Not at all. He comes regularly for tea because he's 'waiting for the day he gets as high as a fucking kite like that curly haired titch from the good old days'.

**Shisui Uchiha** Ah, the good old days when he didn't have an electric ankle bracelet.

**Itachi Uchiha** Or multiple restraining orders, one against Sasuke and myself.

**Shisui Uchiha** Woah, now that I think about it, Sasuke? How many restraining orders do people have in regards to you?

**Sasuke Uchiha** Well...

**Itachi Uchiha** In total, he has seven. Orochimaru, Kabuto, Karin, Madara, that wall of a man Juugo, Jaws cousin Suigetsu, and some girly boy Haku who tried to murder him with bent paper clips in Middle School.

**Shisui Uchiha** Wow...Wait, half of them are yours too!

**Sasuke Uchiha** Anko, Jaws, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Madara and some fish called Zabuza are all on my speed dial.

**Shisui Uchiha** Haha! I'm the only one MANLY enough to take care of myself.

**Itachi Uchiha** Really? How many are in place against you?

**Shisui Uchiha** Shut up.

**Itachi Uchiha** I rest my case.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Did I just see Madara walk past my room with Mother bound and gagged over his shoulder?

**Shisui Uchiha** Mikoto's into bondage...Interesting.

**Itachi Uchiha** Shisui...Really? That's one step up from those 'Your mum' jokes in High School...Be a bit creative.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Shouldn't we do something?

**Itachi Uchiha** Do not fret, little brother. You'll get your knickers in a twist.

**Sasuke Uchiha** ITACHI! Seriously!

**Shisui Uchiha** Touchy subject...

**Itachi Uchiha** Kushina just stalked by my room...Mother will be back serving tea shortly, and Madara will have to be attended to by Tsunade momentarily.

**Fugaku Uchiha** Dear Kami, kill me now.

**Itachi Uchiha** Looks like Kushina multitasked and caught up with Father.

**Shisui Uchiha** She's one feisty red head, fero- Do you smell smoke?

**Sasuke Uchiha** Shit.

**Itachi Uchiha** There goes Mr. Brandy.

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I do not own Naruto or FaceBook.

Got to go! Review please?


	6. Chapter 6

**Naruto Uzumaki** is mentally scarred.

**Sasuke Uchiha**, **Kakashi Hatake** and **Sakura Haruno** like this.

**Kushina Uzumaki** You actually had an intellect to start with?

**Minato Namikaze** Oh, Kushina. You said intellect; PAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...Naruto? Ha.

**Naruto Uzumaki** Your no one to be talking...At least I'm not a girl, Dad.

**Kushina Uzumaki** He's putting his hollow head to good use there, Minato.

**Minato Namikaze** Fuck, Kushina! I'm a MAN...You would know.

**Kushina Uzumaki** Of course I know, sweetie ;) It's just that you're as womanly as that Inochi man. Just with nicer hair, and an even prettier face.

**Naruto Uzumaki** Or even Itachi! He's at least 80% female...

**Itachi Uchiha** Naruto, I swear to kami, I will gather my forces and annihilate you.

**Naruto Uzumaki** What exactly does your forces entail?

**Sasuke Uchiha **Jaws, Kakashi, those psychopath pyros dad is so fond of, that cannibal, Madara, probably your mum and ,on really good days, Orochimaru. But Kabuto and that paedo aren't allowed to come to any organised rebellions anymore.

**Sakura Haruno** Why...? Apart from the obvious reasons.

**Kakashi Hatake** Because they dragged him into the forest and attempted to 'take their precious Sasuke-kun and his glorious self'.

**Itachi Uchiha** They would've too, if Shisui hadn't arrived and spritzed his 'manly' perfume in their eyes.

**Shisui Uchiha** Ladies like a scent. What can I say?

**Sasuke Uchiha** I'd prefer if you said nothing.

**Minato Namikaze** What's your miniscule mind scarred from Naruto, anyway...?

**Naruto Uzumaki** We had class with Maito Gai today.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Science class...

**Sakura Haruno** The Human Reproduction System...

**Kakashi Hatake** With Maito Gai...

**Itachi Uchiha **Ah...A torture technique of the highest standard...

**Minato Namikaze** I don't get it...It's a part of life...

**Shisui Uchiha** We feel your pain...We had him for Health Education for a whole year.

**Itachi Uchiha** Ah, correction Minato. It is not a part of life. In accordance to Gai, it is simply 'THE CONTINUATION OF SEVERAL GENERATIONS OF YOUTH, OFFSPRING TO YOU! THE CURRENT EXUDERS OF THE BEAUTY OF SRINGTIME YOUTH!' Give or take a few more cries of 'YOUTH!'...

**Sasuke Uchiha** It was horror...

**Naruto Uzumaki** And you had to sit beside Rock Lee...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

**Sasuke Uchiha** You had Gaara beside you...With the way he was glaring, we're all lucky to be alive.

**Kakashi Hatake** Pfft. You got it easy. Try having to actually sit next to that terror...He was very interested in the 'production of another Springtime of Youth'...

**Minato Namikaze** Please. Orochimaru was my year head, and science teacher...

**Orochimaru Hebi** Ah, Minato. I remember you...Never could wrap yourself around the female sexual organs...Even when it concerned you...

**Minato Namikaze** KAMIDAMMIT! I'm a MAN! Fuck's sake, I have a SON with my WIFE, a WOMAN!

**Orochimaru Hebi** I'm so glad you were able to get the child you wanted...Adoption can take years...

**Minato Namikaze** WHAT? THERE WAS NO ADOPTION (Kushina and I would have made a better choice. Use your head, you crazy old bastard). I MADE HIM!

**Naruto Uzumaki** TOO MUCH!

**Kakashi Hatake** What? You're brain going into overload?

**Kushina Uzumaki** He has no brain to overheat, Kakashi.

**Itachi Uchiha** I have to say Kushina, I find your husband's ire amusing.

**Kushina Uzumaki** Itachi. You practically lived at my house when you were younger with Mikoto. I would be disappointed if I had raised you wrong, and you found this 'an embarrassment to my husband's masculinity and pride'.

**Shisui Uchiha** Ah, there's no fear of that, Kushina. Itachi here loves his inside jokes...

**Sasuke Uchiha** No one ever gets them...

**Kushina Uzumaki **Of course...Not everyone understands our logic.

**Naruto Uzumaki** What logic?

**Kushina Uzumaki** Run, brat.

**Minato Namikaze** But be back in time for dinner.

**Kakashi Hatake** Kushina, do you know Anko?

**Kushina Uzumaki** Of course I know that delightful woman! I taught her everything she knows!

**Kakashi Hatake** Aa. You are indeed uncannily similar...

**Shisui Uchiha** I can see it! Both are crazy!

**Itachi Uchiha** Way to be blunt.

**Kushina Uzumaki** I'll take that as a compliment, Shisui.

**Minato Namikaze** I wish I'd be as lucky as to elude her wrath...

**Sasuke Uchiha** Just how many people did Kushina raise? Itachi, Anko, Naruto...The list isn't too promising.

**Kushina Uzumaki** I acknowledge that my techniques may be a tad flawed...

**Minato Namikaze** A tad? You raised a mute clueless teenager, a deranged homicidal woman, and NARUTO!

**Naruto Uzumaki** Let's not forget how you failed to make Dad more masculine...

**Kushina Uzumaki** I will not be deterred...

**Sasuke Uchiha** You might as well start on Itachi too...His stalker is attracted to 'her'.

**Itachi Uchiha** What is with people doubting my gender?

**Shisui** **Uchiha** Can you blame us...? Long hair, thick eyelashes, pretty face...You are the definition of woman.

**Naruto Uzumaki** Yeah Dad, blonde hair, sparkly eyes, a girly visage...ALL FEMININE!

**Sakura Haruno** And might I ask, what is wrong with being a woman?

**Naruto Uzumaki** NOTHING, SAKURA-CHAN!

**Sakura Haruno** Good...You don't want me mad Naruto.

**Sasuke Uchiha** You know the word visage...?

**Naruto Uzumaki** SHUT UP, TEME!

**Minato Namikaze** Shit. Itachi? We've got to go.

**Itachi Uchiha** Why? I was quite enjoying this conversation.

**Minato Namikaze** I can hear Kushina. She's playing 'I'll make a Man out of You' from Mulan. It's only a matter of time before we're taken.

**Kushina Uzumaki** I can see you two...

**Itachi Uchiha** _and_ **Minato Namikaze** _are offline._

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Okay, so , I said I would thank all of my reviewer's individually 2 chapters ago...I'M SORRY! I'm supposed to be getting ready to go do my Christmas Shopping! I realise there are misprints and what not, but please forgive for the time being!Um, has anyone evr read Catcher in the Rye? Would you recommend it...? iIve finished all my novels, so i need a good read! :) I'll stop blabbering now!

I do not own Naruto, or Facebook, or Mulan...

God, I love that film...:) Then again who doesn't!

Reviews? I promise to thank you all individually next chapter as well! Tests are killer, though!

Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Sakura Haruno** likes _The Impossibility of Removing Skinny Jeans Sexily._

_Comments_

**Karin Taka **HA! Yhuu can't remuuve ane thing sexily, UNLIKE ME!

**Ino Yamanaka** At least she can remove clothes without having to lift up her fat rolls first. Bitch.

**Sakura Haruno** Thanks for the support, Ino-pig.

**Ino Yamanaka** No problem. I got your back, and forehead.

**Karin Taka** WHOREZ!

**Sakura Haruno** I like your use of incorrect spelling, Karin. I'm assuming you use it to lure in boys?

**Ino Yamanaka** Boys? Pfft. Dogs, more like. They're attracted to their own species after all.

**Itachi Uchiha** Sorry to intrude on this touching conversation, but I couldn't help but notice the page you liked, Sakura. It should be recommended to Sasuke.

**Shisui Uchiha** Yeah, I mean. His balls must be all; I ...can't...BREATHE!

**Itachi Uchiha** How you make me laugh, Shisui. My foolish little brother has no balls to speak of, let alone take the piss of.

**Karin Taka** Yhuu Uchihas arr so FUNII! Of course Sasu-cakes haz balls ! Arr all Uchihas so funii...And attractivve ? ;D

**Itachi Uchiha** Excuse me whilst I projectile vomit.

**Shisui Uchiha** Looky there, Itachi. A full line of kisses! Even more than the ones Jaws sent you before, signifying all the times he had seen you in the past hour...:) I think she's coming onto you, you minx.

**Sasuke Uchiha** How did I get dragged into this?

**Itachi Uchiha** The same way kabuto dragged you into the forest last week... Dragged for the sake of love. Duh.

**Shisui Uchiha** Obv.

**Sakura Haruno** Obv = Obsessive Bitch Viciousness; Karin Taka is a sufferer.

**Itachi Uchiha** Aa. I send my condolences, Karin Taka.

**Karin Taka** IUGiug7Y23W(975!klhuf ..!

**Shisui Uchiha** That's the state of her mind. Constantly incomprehensible.

**Ino Yamanaka** No, no. That's just her reaction to Itachi and his loving condolences.

**Kisame Hoshigaki** Back off, bitch. He's mine.

Itachi Uchiha Since when do I belong to my stalker, or Miss Taka?

Karin Taka KIUBGAERF iohrebfiu2^6!69 !9r3y ...IJHUB.

**Ino Yamanaka** ^^ Hey, Forehead girl, remember when Sasuke actually said her name on that trip to Suna?

**Sakura Haruno** Hahahah! Even if he said it so that she would give him back his jeans, she still nearly caused Suigetsu to go into a coma, with the amount of squeeling coming from her !

**Sasuke Uchiha** I never got them back...

**Itachi Uchiha** I'm astonished she even got them off...I mean, what with how tight they are.

**Suigetsu Hozuki** It wasn't pretty...

**Sakura Haruno** I beg to differ ;)

**Shisui Uchiha** The youth of today! You naughty pervert, Sakura Haruno.

**Itachi Uchiha** On a scale of Kakashi Hatake to Orochimaru, just how perverted are you, Miss Haruno?

**Sakura Haruno** UOBJG87234598bhjedfbiqer...!hyfiuFOGFjiiogdj...! ;D

**Shisui Uchiha** You seem to have a certain effect on young girls, Itachi. Lucky bastard.

Itachi Uchiha It's a flawed trait. How am I supposed to get to know a girl if they're talking a jumbled mess, spurred on by me simply regarding them as 'Miss'.

**Mikoto Uchiha** I raised a gentleman... :)

**Shisui Uchiha** A girly one at that...;D

**Sakura Haruno** Merely a lapse in sense, Itachi. Forgive me. As of present, I am completely rational, and thus, available for getting known better.

**Ino Yamanaka** Older men, Forehead? Shisui was right, you ARE a minx. Clearly, I've taught you well.

**Kisame Hoshigaki** I know where you live, Haruno.

**Sakura Haruno** And I own a trident.

**Itachi Uchiha** My curiosity has won out...Why do you have a trident in your possession?

**Sakura Haruno** Well...When the fangirls found out I had been place in Sasuke's 'family' for that school project, I needed to protect myself. So I came about a trident. From some preacher guy who tried to get me into an Emo God, or something...

**Itachi Uchiha** Ah, yes. Hidan does tend to spread the word of his religion.

**Hidan Jashinforever** My name says it fucking all.

**Shisui Uchiha** Go back to your REDRUM room.

**Itachi Uchiha** What Shisui means to say is ; Get the fuck away from here. I heard him scream it at his screen from my house. I don't think he ever got over the incident in Iwa, when you used him as a living voodoo doll because he looked like me. Not that I can blame him.

**Hidan Jashinforever** Fuck's sake, I'll fucking gut you, take your eyes, sell them to fuck face Danzo, nick them from under his fucking nose and make them into a shit load of stew, and force it down your mum's bloody throat.

**Itachi Uchiha** You always had a way with words, Hidan. I'm envious.

**Kisame Hoshigaki** Stay away from him, Hidan.

**Shisui Uchiha** I find it ironic how your stalker is protecting you against possible threats :D

**Itachi Uchiha** I just think of it as the strange ways of a strange fish.

**Kisame Hoshigaki** How you flatter me, Itachi. :) By the way, since you're standing, put the kettle on. I'll be inside in a few.

**Itachi Uchiha** Dear Kami, he's here.

**Sasuke Uchiha** The door's been bolted, windows boarded, cellar locked, and skylights reinforced. We should be okay this time.

**Shisui Uchiha** All that done in two minutes?

**Sasuke Uchiha** We have a plan, with guidelines suited for every situation.

**Itachi Uchiha **YOU FORGOT THE CHIMNEY!

_Itachi Uchiha is offline._

**Sasuke Uchiha** Damn. I'm gonna miss him.

**Shisui Uchiha** ! HELP HIM SASUKE!

**Sasuke Uchiha** I've no such intention.

**Hidan Jashinforever** Serves his fucking ass right.

**Sakura Haruno** His nice ass... ;D

**Shisui Uchiha** I'll have to marvel at your lovely perversion later, Haruno. I've to go.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Wait. It's okay. Mother's just ran past with a cleaver. No one gets in the way of her 'precious unintentionally stalker attracting feminine son'.

**Shisui Uchiha** Jaws in nearly seven foot! Mikoto is 5'4 !

**Sasuke Uchiha** She has Kushina with her.

**Shisui Uchiha** Good. Now, Sakura, about that inner minx of yours...

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Ahhh, I've still all my homework to do...Dedication, my readers, is my middle name. :)

Now, I would like to thank; **Dustland Fairytales, Tettsui, Uchihacest Girl, Nanami L'Ame, CecixRawr, James Hiwatari, Echo Uchiha, KitsuneNaru, DragonFire2lm, ElementUchihaMaster and Evelyn Prince for reviewing! :)**

And to anyone still reading my rambling author's note, I didn't get Catcher in the Rye...Instead, i got Memoirs of a Geisha ! It's really good so far, and I would recommend the read...Oh, and I've a question...Does anyone think I should bump this up to M...? I mean, I'm quite vulgar at times ( a part of my charm :D), have mentioned bondage, Sasuke's balls, crsing, and have many innuendo's floating around...I just don't want to get reported or anything...:)

I do not own Naruto, or FaceBook.

Please Review! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Shisui Uchiha** _posted a link to_ **Orochimaru Hebi**_'s_ _wall._

_WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH, WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH...Oopsie! Off goes my wig._

_Comments_

**Orochimaru Hebi** Whatever do you mean by this, my sweet sweet Shisui ? :O

**Shisui Uchiha** My hideous paedophilic Orochimaru, I mean exactly what the link says. And I must say, I am astonished at your use of emoticon... I didn't know, that even virtually, someone so pumped with Botox as you are could manage an expression!

**Kabuto Yakushi** Whatever you are insinuating Shisui, is wrong. As you are. Wrong. A mistake. Not meant to happen.

**Shisui Uchiha** If I cared, I would be offended...But I am simply amused. Pfft, like you're right, Yakushi? You make me laugh.

**Orochimaru Hebi** Boys, boys, no need to fight over me. There's plenty to go around.

**Shisui Uchiha** I apologise for any further typos, for I am about to gouge out my eyes due to the mental image projected onto my eyelids.

**Orochimaru Hebi** Might as well get Itachi-kun and Sasuke-kun. I have plenty of fun things planned ;D

**Kabuto Yakushi** Orochimaru-sama...I detect screaming coming from the compound.

**Orochimaru Hebi** Indeed Kabuto... A migraine is coming along. I'll just move to the tree behind me; the view is still good.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Tree? WHAT TREE?

**Itachi Uchiha** Do not be alarmed, little brother. I just saw Father grab the shotgun.

**Sasuke Uchiha** And I just saw him knock himself out with the shotgun...

**Itachi Uchiha** It appears so...maybe I could call in a favour...

**Kisame Hoshigaki** AT YOUR BECK AND CALL! SIR!

**Hidan Jashinforever** You're fucking whipped, gobshite.

**Deidara PicassoDaVinci** Trees...? They burn nicely. And spark if lit at the right angle, with the correct heat, of course. Intriguing.

**Sasori Akasuna** The wood is nicely suited for puppets. Strong.

**Shisui Uchiha** Why would you need strong puppets...What do you use them for...? My mind is running wild at the moment.

**Itachi Uchiha** If you don't ask, he won't voluntarily tell, Shisui. I doubt you would like to know either.

**Orochimaru Hebi** Your friends are all very interesting, Itachi. If they would like, bring them along. Do...The more the merrier ;)

**Itachi Uchiha** He's already scanned their profiles.

**Orochimaru Hebi** It's a skill Itachi-kun. And I have to say, you have developed over the years. My, my...What abs ;D

**Itachi Uchiha** Where is he? He can see me...I'm disturbed.

**Orochimaru Hebi** Where you least expect me to be...

**Sasuke Uchiha** I'll get Kushina...

**Kabuto Yakushi** He's just moved now.

**Itachi Uchiha** Jaws...I give you permission to root through Sasuke's clothes if you go push that paedo out of his tree.

**Orochimaru Hebi** It can be our tree ;)

**Kisame Hoshigaki** Why would I want your sister's clothes?

**Sasuke Uchiha** Itachi's the girl, I'm the man.

**Shisui Uchiha** I find it hilarious how you consider yourself a man, Sasuke.

**Kisame Hoshigaki **Back to the problem at hand...Why would I want your sister's clothes?

**Itachi Uchiha** Because I've spat on them a few times.

_Kisame Hoshigaki is offline._

**Sasuke Uchiha** ITACHI!

**Shisui Uchiha** I've taught you well, cousin.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Did a tree just fall down?

**Shisui Uchiha** TIM-BER!

**Kabuto Yakushi** OROCHIMARU-SAMA!

**Anko Mitarashi** Haha! You old coot! I hope you fucking died :)

**Orochimaru Hebi** Thank you for the sympathy, Anko. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have biceps to be watching.

**Shisui Uchiha** Itachi, put on a SHIRT!

**Itachi Uchiha** I can't. Jaws took all of mine, yesterday.

**Shisui Uchiha** So put on Fugaku's!

**Sasuke Uchiha** We are forbidden from pestering our Father by meddling with his colour, quality, warmth, materially and size coordinated wardrobe, lest we want our fucking spines ripped out, and then replaced back to front, and rehabilitated with only Madara for company.

**Shisui Uchiha** That sounds recited.

**Itachi Uchiha** It is. It's nailed to the cupboard, and we have to recite it every morning before school.

**Orochimaru Hebi** What else do you recite, Itachi-kun ? ;D

**Shisui Uchiha** I thought Sasuke was the perved upon one...

**Orochimaru Hebi** Well, up close, Itachi-kun, is so well chiselled, and manly...

**Sasuke Uchiha** With his long hair?

**Shisui Uchiha** At least Itachi's is natural, unlike SOMEONE'S! How did my link get so off track?

**Orochimaru Hebi** I knew it! KABUTO! You've been lying to me!

**Kabuto Yakushi** I believe he was referring to your hair, Orochimaru-sama.

**Orochimaru Hebi** DO NOT MAKE SUCK ACCUSSATIONS AGAINST ITACHI-KUN!

**Shisui Uchiha** You said 'SUCK' there. Are your decomposing eyes failing you?

**Itachi Uchiha** At least then the public would be marginally safe.

**Orochimaru Hebi** I did say 'SUCK'...Just a hint, Itachi-kun.

**Itachi Uchiha** Why can I hear purring? Since when do we have a cat?

**Orochimaru Hebi** ;D

**Shisui Uchiha** Get out. NOW.

**Itachi Uchiha** What, is my house no longer safe, Shisui? You're paranoid.

**Shisui Uchiha** ITACHI! LEAVE! SASUKE, GET HIM!

**Sasuke Uchiha** I can't, I'm at Naruto's. He says hello. And Kushina says that Itachi should 'hit him where it hurts multiple times, and get that charming young man, Jaws, to help because she was not taking her clothes off again.'

**Itachi Uchiha** Clothes? Why, does she run into battle – qner19gh1hugoyg97GVLOBH

_Itachi Uchiha is offline._

**Kisame Hoshigaki** I'M COMING, MY BELOVED!

_Kisame Hoshigaki is offline._

**Orochimaru Hebi** Quickly, Kabuto. Send back-up.

_Orochimaru Hebi is offline._

**Kabuto Yakushi** ...

**Shisui Uchiha** You have no back-up.

**Kabuto Yakushi** Shut up.

**Sasuke Uchiha **Kushina told me to tell you, 'You just got owned, bitch'.

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I seem to enjoy having the Uchiha's raided...THIS IS SO REPETITIVE! I'm so so sorry! :O :O :O

But I'm not going to delete it...I'm tired, and want to read :)

I do not own Naruto or FaceBook.

Thanks so much to the replies I got to my question! I'll leave it at T, just with a language warning :) Ahhhh, I've to get up early tomorrow...Homework :/ oh, and to anyone who was even abysmally interested in my rambles of Catcher in the Rye, and Memoirs of a Geisha, I would highly recommend reading Memoirs...I just love it, and haven't been able to put it down :) Instead of wandering around in the library next time, go and check it out :) Really. :)

Now for the thank you's!** Evelyn Prince, jaluula023, Tettsui, ElementUchihaMaster, ssh-245, WingedHero540, DragonFire2lm, Uchiha Miaki, James Hiwatari **and** Echo Uchiha**!

Thanks so much for reading, but you would make my day (night :D:D:D:D:D:D) if you reviewed...! :)

Thanks you!


	9. Chapter 9

**Itachi Uchiha** has been snowed in. Kill me now.

**Sasuke Uchiha** That can be arranged.

**Deidara PicassoDaVinci** Would you like to go out with a bang?

**Sasori Akasuna** I have connections. You can be eternally embalmed.

**Orochimaru Hebi **Why, my pretty? If that is your wish, I will let you on one condition.

**Itachi Uchiha** Why would I obey any condition you give me?

**Orochimaru Hebi** Because, my dear, you are MINE...And the condition is that if you wish to die, I get to keep the body.

**Shisui Uchiha** I'm fucking disturbed.

**Itachi Uchiha** Fuck sake...First, I get trapped in here, then I get PERVED on, AGAIN!

**Orochimaru Hebi** That's it...Let your emotions out...Except for your excitement...You can keep that for later ;)

**Sasuke Uchiha** I love how it's been insinuated in a twisted way, that Itachi is aroused by Orochimaru.

**Itachi Uchiha** I love how Father has just stormed down towards your room with The Book.

**Shisui Uchiha** Haha! He's going to lob it at your girly face!

**Itachi Uchiha** Yes...It will probably bruise... Might make you look a bit rugged and manly.

**Shisui Uchiha** I can hear Fugaku preaching the 'WAY OF THE UCHIHA' from my house. Oh, he's just got to page 7...My favourite.

**Itachi Uchiha** You should know...It's been shouted at you how many times?

**Shisui Uchiha** About 65...I still can't keep a face whenever Fugaku reads it out.

**Itachi Uchiha** 'No cahooting of any sorts with female humans or male humans, in public where one might be caught in the obscene act of, visible to anyone, intercourse, or other pleasurable but informal public acts'.

**Shisui Uchiha** That rule is majorly flawed. What if one of us turn out to be like the Inuzuka boy? Attracted to dogs?

**Itachi Uchiha** Or that Karin? She's a dog.

**Karin Taka** Whhy? Yhuu no how much yhe Uchihas want mii! XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

**Shisui Uchiha** You were almost paying for my expenses...I missed the laptop by an inch... Lucky the rubbish bin was so close...I wouldn't have made it to the bathroom to puke.

**Itachi Uchiha **I can hear Sasuke retching.

**Shisui Uchiha** So Fugaku's done?

**Itachi Uchiha** No, no, I just think the combined trauma of Karin Taka, and Father giving him a lecture on how all products of Uchiha men, must act like the Uchiha men they spur from.

**Mikoto Uchiha** When in all honesty, they spur from Uchiha women.

**Fugaku Uchiha** Mikoto...We will discuss this at a later date. Oh and, Orochimaru, Itachi belongs to me. He was, after all, a part of me at one point.

**Itachi Uchiha** Here comes the poky I had earlier...Mehrwfoncvls.

**Mikoto Uchiha** I'M COMING, ITACHI!

**Shisui Uchiha** I find that comment oh so amusing, yet oh so wrong.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Only you, Shisui.

**Fugaku Uchiha** Please, Itachi. Man up. Fact of life, you too, someday, will have children. Children that I hope will turn out better than my own.

**Shisui Uchiha** Still cry yourself to sleep at night over your failed fertilized sperm, Fugaku? You wail and weep very loud.

**Itachi Uchiha** Shisui. Stop. I've hugged the toilet enough because of my family today.

**Shisui Uchiha** Woah, there, Betsy. Even though you're a failure, you're still a winner at one thing!

**Itachi Uchiha **Pray tell, Shisui. What would that be?

**Shisui Uchiha** You beat millions of Fugaku's swimmers in the race up Mikoto's womb and to her egg!

**Sasuke Uchiha** What are you? FIVE YEARS OLD? Che, you're so childish.

**Itachi Uchiha** Hladfvnskfvblbfc.

**Orochimaru Hebi** The Uchihas have great senses of humour ;) That's handy.

**Shisui Uchiha** I'll have you know that we aren't trying to be funny. We're mental naturally. It's obviously hereditary.

**Orochimaru Hebi** Normal people are boring, Shisui. In more ways than one...No creativity, tut tut ;)

**Shisui Uchiha** Dear Kami, I need counselling thanks to you.

**Orochimaru Hebi** You're very welcome, Shisui-kun. Glad I could be of assistance.

**Kabuto Yakushi **He was being sarcastic, Sir. Just thought you should know.

**Itachi Uchiha** The only thing you've assisted us with is obliterating our sanity to the level of Madara's.

**Madara Uchiha** I do not understand your idiotic drivel, Itachi...Fucking child.

**Itachi Uchiha** Yeah, thought as much...Fucking pensioner.

**Shisui Uchiha** You're charming, Madara. Very much so.

**Madara Uchiha** Fuck sake, I wasn't even talking to you!

**Itachi Uchiha** Typing, Madara. You're not speaking, typing.

**Orochjimaru Hebi** I see you're down with the kids, Madara. Care to let me in on your secret? I can surely repay you ;)

**Madara Uchiha** I know you can, Hebi.

**Shisui Uchiha** :O HISTORY!

**Itachi Uchiha** Even someone as clueless as me could cut the tension with a knife.

**Shisui Uchiha** Quick, put on some soup. I'm trekking over to gather some information. I can probably get it out of Fugaku if I mention the summer of '79.

**Itachi Uchiha** You weren't even thought of in 1979. How would you even know what happened?

**Shisui Uchiha** I wasn't even thought of nine months before my birth, my loveable idiot. I have my connections, that's how I know.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Snooping. That goes against the 'WAY OF THE UCHIHA', act 7, article 54, section 2, subsection 7, paragraph 3.

**Mikoto Uchiha** If only you could memorize something more useful that that so effectively. Like the Periodic Table, for instance.

**Fugaku Uchiha** THE 'WAY OF THE UCHIHA' IS USEFUL, MIKOTO! YOU SHOULDN'T DISSUADE OUR CLAN WITH YOUR FALSE OPINIONS!

**Shisui Uchiha** Oh, but he can. I know for a fact he can rattle off death metal lyrics in a heartbeat. Your son is talented, Mikoto. BE PROUD, FUGAKU!

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Ahhh, for the past few Science classes, we've been going over the reproductive system, AGAIN! Seriously, we did it years ago! Not like we'd forget our young embarrassment so easily...But I think the Uchiha's wouldn't go on so easily :)

And yeah, the weather plays an important part...It makes the Uchiha's go mental, but safe from Jaws, and Orochimaru :)

And, so close to Christmas! I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, or happy holidays. I hope you all have a happy time, anyway! :) I know sometimes it's hard for some, but remember;

Today is Tomorrow's Yesterday.

My Grandmother told me that, and go figure it out. I've gone a bit morbid in this author's not, so I'd like to thank all of my readers and my reviewers! I'll name you all out next time I get a chance, but alas, I have to go :)

Enjoy, and please please review! :)

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	10. Chapter 10

**Karin Taka** Finalaay got aa job 4 da weekende! Yeahh! XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

_Comments_

**Itachi Uchiha** What poor soul would hire someone with such atrocious grammar and spelling?

**Shisui Uchiha** Nevermind those technicalities Itachi ; Who would hire her in the first place?

**Sakura Haruno** You should bring a jacket. The streets are cold this time of year, you could catch a cold working them.

**Itachi Uchiha** Miss Haruno, how I love your sense of humour.

**Shisui Uchiha** YOU LEGEND! Ahahahahahah! :D

**Karin Taka** YHUU BITCH! FUCKING COW!

**Sakura Haruno** No, YOU will be fucking the cows... What's your fare? Two bales of hay, and a bowl of the cud?

**Shisui Uchiha** I'm pissing myself! Hahahah! :D

**Karin Taka** I'LL KILL YHUU SOMEDAE, PINK MIDGET!

**Sakura Haruno** What? Will you organise a stampede of your most loyal customers, some bulls? And, bitch, I'm taller than you in heels.

**Karin Taka** Im tallerr than yhuu bare futt, so Im tallerr than yhuu in heelz! BIMBO!

**Sakura Haruno** Karin, can heels even support your weight, since you're a heifer and all?

**Itachi Uchiha** I'm disturbingly amused, and interested in this conversation.

**Shisui Uchiha** If only it was Sakura against that blonde bird, THAT would be hot...

**Deidara PicassoDaVinci** I hope this 'blonde bird' isn't me.

**Shisui Uchiha** Of course it's you! I'm completely in love with you, Deidara! You sexy thaaang -.-

**Deidara PicassoDaVinci **Look, dude, I'm not interested. You've no idea of art.

**Itachi Uchiha** Shisui? You call me clueless? Even I could hear the sarcasm in your comment... How could you miss it, Deidara?

**Shisui Uchiha** - See that? That's a flat line. I've died from disgust. Thanks, Deidara.

**Itachi Uchiha** Thank you very much Deidara. You've spared our minds from having to deal with Shisui.

**Shisui Uchiha** PRICK! How many times have I saved your ass?

**Itachi Uchiha** Usually, I'm the one doing the ass saving.

**Shisui Uchiha** HMMM? How about the time I got Jaws away from you with a frying pan? HMMM?

**Itachi Uchiha** The only reason he legged it was because you swung the pan, hit me on the head, and rendered me unconscious. He didn't want to face possible assault charges, by taking your blame.

**Shisui Uchiha** BUT STILL! HE LEFT!

**Itachi Uchiha** Because he thought I was dead. I think he went to mourn, at my 'WRONG WRONG FUCKING WRONG DEATH'.

**Shisui Uchiha** Eh, you're alive anyway, with no actual damages.

**Sasuke Uchiha** I beg to differ. Must have whacked him too hard, he is, after all, clueless, and out of it.

**Shisui Uchiha** Fair point, well made.

**Itachi Uchiha** And I have two scars on my cheeks, Shisui. Remember?

**Shisui Uchiha** Oh yeah... Sorry about that.

**Itachi Uchiha **It's quite alright.

**Sakura Haruno** Itachi's scars? Yum...

**Sasuke Uchiha** Ugh.

**Shisui Uchiha** You're just jealous that you don't have some scars to buff you up a bit. The only one you have is on your neck when Orochimaru bit you on the class trip.

**Sasuke Uchiha** ACK! Don't bring that up...

**Shisui Uchiha** I've hit a nerve...

**Itachi Uchiha** You against the world eh, Sasuke?

**Karin Taka **Sasu-kins! Sincce I got aa job, I can't hang ouu with yhuu at the weekends! :'( XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Sasuke Uchiha** Go away, I'd never waste my time with you.

**Sakura Haruno** Hahaha!

**Itachi Uchiha** You're such a womanizer, little brother.

**Sakura Haruno** Sure, girls throw themselves at him... But, since Karin's a cow, wouldn't he be a heifer's man? :O

**Shisui Uchiha** I detect bitterness! Carry on ;)

**Itachi Uchiha** You, my cousin, are a pervert.

**Shisui Uchiha** AND PROUD!

**Sakura Haruno** You should join Kakashi, and Jaraiya...

**Itachi Uchiha** That should not be advised. The mayhem they'd get up to...

**Shisui Uchiha** We'd have a blast!

**Itachi Uchiha** Your idea of a blast would probably cause severe mental scarring for even the likes of that psychology teacher Ibiki.

**Shisui Uchiha** Pfft. You're over reacting. We'd probably have a few drinks and that's it.

**Sakura Haruno** I don't think 'that's it'. Last time you had alcohol Sasuke had to stay with Naruto for fear you would storm their house to get Itachi to 'fucking have some fucking fuck flavoured VODKA...'.

**Sasuke Uchiha** You can't handle your liquor. Pussy.

**Itachi Uchiha** Hmm, maybe that's because his idea of a 'few drinks' is a couple dozen shots, and a gallon of cider... Perhaps. And Sasuke? Please, don't make me die from laughter. You calling Shisui a pussy for not handling his alcohol well, whilst you spent the next two days regurgitating your stomach contents with Mother patting your back after two shots and some spirits. Hypocrite.

**Sakura Haruno** I love your family, Sasuke-kun!

**Itachi Uchiha** Thank you, Miss Haruno. And, Miss Taka, you should have considered your earlier comments more carefully. What if your employer sees your rather vulgar ways?

**Karin Taka** Shitt. Tanx, 'Tachi love! XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

**Sakura Haruno** Oh Kami, yeah! Farmers don't want their bulls breeding with poor stock after all! :O

**Shisui Uchiha** I've said it before, and I'll say it again... You cheeky minx ;D

**Itachi Uchiha** Rather amusing, too. And with an extensive knowledge of cattle. I'm impressed.

**Shisui Uchiha **A compliment from Itachi Uchiha! :O That's like being knighted by the Queen!

**Sakura Haruno **Well, gentlemen, thank you! But, alas, I have to go. I do believe Karin-bitch is trying to throw rocks through my window.

**Itachi Uchiha** Fish out that trident again. It'll come in handy, I'd say.

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I'm alive!

Sorry for not updating for a while, but it hasn't been that long has it...? And it's the New Year! :D Hope ye all have a good one!

And, by the way, I do not condone drinking, sans in moderation. This was inspired by some cows and pictures of 14 year olds doing shots... Bah, it's their livers :D And, for any confused people out there, the cud is when cows are too lazy to eat more grass so they puke up their grass and eat it... Lovely.

I would like to thank ;** Child-1763, James Hiwatari, ylfrettub, orochimaruscary, Tettsui, elementUchihaMaster, Sasuke-Fan-723, Uchiha Miaki, Akie-Chan, Echo Uchiha, Dustland Fairytales and xXKiri-chanXx for reviewing! **:D :D

I don't think I'm really happy with this, Sakura's kinda a bitch, but hey! It's against Karin! :D

I do not own Naruto, but maybe some cows! :O :O :O

Please please please review! They make me happy... :D

Reviews? And, thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Karin Taka** WHOOOO! Tests ova! I passed ALL oh them! Duh ;D XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Comments_

**Itachi Uchiha** Not with that grammar.

**Shisui Uchiha**, **Kakashi Hatake**, **Maito Gai**, **Sasuke Uchiha** and _five others_ like this.

. . .

**Sakura Haruno** has posted a link of **Karin Taka**'s Wall.

Shut it, slut. The only test you can pass is the pregnancy one.

_Comments_

**Shisui Uchiha** You WIN, Haruno!

**Itachi Uchiha** I have to applaud you, Miss Haruno. Well done.

**Sakura Haruno** All in a day's work :D

**Ino Yamanaka** Yup! Join the resistance against tramps!

**Karin Taka** FOOLZ! Even if I woz pregnantt it wud be with Sasu-cakez! XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Sasuke Uchiha** That's it. I've packed. Itachi, drive me to the Institution.

**Itachi Uchiha** You got the last seat, as well Sasuke. Miss Haruno and Shisui are preparing to have themselves voluntarily committed.

**Sasuke Uchiha **Who can blame us?

**Karin Taka** Hahahahaha! Ur soooo funnii! XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**Itachi Uchiha** And you are 'soooo' delusional.

**Sasuke Uchiha** I have never thought of you, Karin, in such a vile way that which you are imagining. Never.

**Itachi Uchiha** I can vouch for him.

**Shisui Uchiha** What? How?

**Itachi Uchiha** Surprisingly, our walls are very thin. You can hear a whisper from one room, if you are in the next. Therefore, particularly at night, you can hear *anything*.

**Shisui Uchiha** ;)

**Sasuke Uchiha** Where's a rope? I can't handle being related to Itachi anymore.

**Itachi Uchiha** Brother, your rope is gone remember? You dyed it purple and cut it up into a belt when you were fourteen.

**Shisui Uchiha** I remember that! Haha! Orochimaru inspired a trend... One that just SCREAMED transvestite.

**Itachi Uchiha** Sasuke clearly overlooked that inconsequential-in-his opinion fact.

**Fugaku Uchiha** Our walls are of the highest standard, Itachi! You cannot hear anything, for they are near soundproof!

**Itachi Uchiha** Clearly, you were swindled by the builder, Father.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Yes. We've heard...many things.

**Shisui Uchiha** And I thought I had it bad living with no one!

**Itachi Uchiha** You do have it bad, Shisui. You have no running water, and the only source of food you have is gone off Instant Ramen.

**Naruto Uzumaki **Shisui?

**Shisui Uchiha** Yes, son-of-the-principal-who-I-have-to-be-nice-to-lest-I-be-suspended-again?

**Naruto Uzumaki** YOUR ADDRESS?

**Shisui Uchiha** And, WHY, pray tell, should I give you the directions to my place of residence?

**Naruto Uzumaki** I'll get you and Itachi off detention.

**Shisui Uchiha **Pfft, I don't care.

**Itachi Uchiha** I do. Uzumaki, his address has just been sent to your inbox.

**Shisui Uchiha** ITACHI?

**Itachi Uchiha** I'm always dragged into your schemes at school, so I always go down with you.

**Shisui Uchiha** You do not!

**Sakura Haruno** Even I know he does. Just last week you nearly got both of you expelled.

**Shisui Uchiha** It's not my fault teachers believe Itachi thinks up the plans.

**Itachi Uchiha** No wonder they do. With your grades, they'd think you could just about differentiate between a tree and a person. On your good days.

**Sasuke Uchiha** At least now Shisui knows it's unacceptable to freeze coffee into ice-pops and give them to the younger grades.

**Minato Namikaze** It's hard enough to stand them when their caffeine levels are normal, but to have them HYPER?

**Kakashi Hatake** Kushina had to be called in.

**Asuma Sarutobi** And Konohamaru had to see a counsellor.

**Shisui Uchiha** It's not like they needed their stomachs pumped or anything!

**Konohamaru Sarutobi** Having Boss's mum called in makes having my stomach pumped preferable.

**Kushina Uzumaki** Why, thank you!

**Minato Namikaze** You were the reason the school had to provide a helpline, Kushina.

**Kushina Uzumaki** I did calm them down though. You were hiding under your desk. Can't even handle some kids, Minato. Pussy.

**Kakashi Hatake** She has a point.

**Minato Namikaze** Is that referring to the whole comment, Kakashi?

**Kakashi Hatake** Well... From all that Kushina rants about...

**Minato Namikaze** I control your wages.

**Kakashi Hatake** Pfft! Kushina, what are you smoking?

**Minato Namikaze** Much better. I've taught you well.

**Naruto Uzumaki** Like a trained dog!

**Sakura Haruno** At least he doesn't smell like one.

**Itachi Uchiha** That privilege is left to Hana Inuzuka's brother.

**Sasuke Uchiha** Try being in the same classroom as him.

**Hana Inuzuka** Try living with him.

**Kakashi Hatake** That helpline is still in operation, Hana. You can probably get Shizune to check your nose out, too, just feign being traumatized by the giddy snots from last week. Just to make sure it isn't malfunctioning or anything.

**Hana Inuzuka** I've gotten used to it. Kind of.

**Shisui Uchiha** I didn't know that was possible. Every time he walks past Kakashi-sensei, he causes him to have a mini seizure.

**Kakashi Hatake** My mask keeps me from completely losing it.

**Sakura Haruno** Hey, Hana? Didn't Kiba have a thing for red heads?

**Naruto Uzumaki** Really, since when?

**Kiba Inuzuka** Your mum.

**Naruto Uzumaki** I would be disturbed, but I'm more frightened for your safety. Mum's just knocked dad out after trying to restrain her, and is making her way over to your house.

**Kakashi Hatake** Better break out the Alsatians.

**Minato Namikaze** ...And the Dobermans. It's Kushina were talking about... I need some Panadol.

**Hana Inuzuka** Anyway, yeah, Haruno. I think he did, or does. Why? Not like anyone would go out with that dog.

**Sakura Haruno** Oh, just wondering. Perhaps, would he hook up with Karin? I hear she's wanting kids, and she's a_ bitch_ and all. Double Whammy! :D

**Itachi Uchiha** You mean she wants pups, Miss Haruno. Pups.

**Kakashi Hatake** They'd be purebred ones at that.

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This has to be my most offensive one yet. I am by NO MEANS taking the mick of suicide, and I think being a transvestite is fine. I truly don't mean to offend people with these drabbles, but they just write themselves I guess. But, truly, if serious matter pop up in them I really amn't taking the piss (as us Irish say). Feel free to give out, but, remember I HAVE rated this T and all... And Sorry if I have offended anyone! And Sakura seems a bit like a bitch..But HEY! It's Karin... :/ :D

Ah, sadly, I do not own Naruto, or FaceBook... If I did own Naruto, neither Itachi nor Shisui or all those supercoolawesome characters like Minato, would be dead... But, I supposed, it had to be :(

Ah, must dash. Have some FullMetal Alchemist (Which a silly serf like me does not own) to watch, and maybe my homework to finish... XD

Please, review! They're like coffee, gives me energy which makes me want to write faster... :D

Knobbly Knees :D


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